Phone Sex is a sexual experience that happens over the phone, typically between two people who are very horny. It involves talking dirty and describing your fantasies to each other.

It can be very erotic, and can even lead to orgasms. However, it can be difficult to get started.

1. Be Honest

Getting everyone on the same page is crucial, especially during Phone Sex. Dirty talk can be intimidating or anxiety-inducing for some, but it doesn’t have to be.

“I would encourage people to be frank and transparent,” sex therapist Lori Michels tells SELF. That could mean having a really direct conversation where you straight-up ask for enthusiastic consent. It might also mean dropping a flirty hint or trying something new and seeing how they respond, then clearly asking if they’d like to continue.

It’s also important to know what turns your partner on and be able to communicate that with them during phone sex. You don’t want to force your partner into a fantasy that doesn’t turn them on, which can lead to tension and misunderstandings.

2. Be Yourself

When it comes to Phone Sex, it’s important to be yourself. Don’t feel obligated to use a deep voice, or to speak as fast as you normally would. If it feels natural, dropping the level of your voice can be erotic and add to the sensual nature of your conversation.

Don’t be afraid to dip into your “fantasy bank” to describe sexual scenarios that turn you on, Michels says. It’s a great way to keep the conversation flowing smoothly, and to encourage your partner to do the same.

Role-playing can be super fun, but it’s important to emphasize pleasure over performance. So if you want to try something like pretending to be a sexy character from Game of Thrones, go for it!

3. Be Creative

Phone sex isn’t just about using sexy lines on your partner. It’s about creating a naughty fantasy for your partner and making them feel like they are part of that fantasy.

That means thinking of a lot of different scenarios, from sex in public to sex in the back of a car or airplane to sex on a deserted beach or at a BDSM party. It also means dipping into your “fantasy bank” and talking about things that turn you on but that you might not want to do in person, like role play or cuckolding.

You can even use props to make a call more sexual, such as wearing slinky lingerie or lighting candles.

4. Be Sensual

When it comes to Phone Sex, everything you say and do has a direct impact on the heat of the moment. So, it’s important to be sensual – and to make sure that your partner is sensual as well.

To make things more intimate, consider dropping the level of your voice to a whisper, says Michels. This will create an erotic sound that will be sexy over the phone.

Similarly, touching yourself during the call can be very sensual. “It’s a way to get the physical energy into the conversation and can be very sexy,” adds Hakes. Be sure to ask your partner first if this is okay, however.

5. Be Respectful

While it’s tempting to get into fantasies on the phone, you must remember that you aren’t physically touching each other. Make sure you and your partner are both clear about the boundaries from the beginning.

Clearly communicating that you’re interested in phone sex can help you get consent for the session. That may mean a direct conversation or just dropping a flirty hint and seeing how your partner responds.

It’s also important to remember that consent isn’t just a one-time thing. You must continue to provide it throughout the sex. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe, don’t hesitate to end the call. It’s always better to be safe than sorry!

6. Be Imaginative

Phone sex can be an opportunity to explore some wild fantasies, like role-playing. But you need to know what kind of kink turns your partner on, so be sure to ask them what words turn them on (like “tits” or a specific name for their intimate bits).

For example, maybe they love to have their hands in each other’s pockets and find it very sensual. Or perhaps they’re into cuckolding or masturbating together and want to try it over the phone. It’s also good to give them explicit instructions, which can create a dominance/submissive dynamic. The more detailed the description, the better. The more sexually-arousing it is, the more likely they’ll orgasm.

7. Be Seductive

Getting into dirty talk can feel awkward and intimidating, especially over the phone. However, it’s important to keep your cool and act confidently. Speak in a low, seductive voice and use plenty of breathy sighs and moans. This will help to make the experience more erotic for your partner.

Dip into your “fantasy bank,” and describe sexual scenarios that turn you on. It could be sex in the office, in a car or airplane, or sex in a fancy restaurant bathroom.

You can also role play by giving your partner instructions. Dictate how, where and when they can touch themselves to add a bit of dominant/submissive play into the conversation.

8. Be Honest

The more honest you are when describing your fantasies or telling your partner what turns you on, the more likely it is that they will reciprocate. For example, instead of saying things like, “I love the way you push down on my back,” try to get more descriptive by describing exactly how it would feel to be touched that way.

It’s also important to be honest if there are certain fantasies you just can’t share. Shooting down their sexy suggestions will not only make them less likely to want to try phone sex again, but it could potentially hurt their feelings and leave them feeling disappointed. Be empathetic and offer them something else that’ll turn them on.